there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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