oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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