I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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