Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
