Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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