Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
