what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
