Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
