so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
