Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
