can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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