i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
