I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
