A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
