I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
