apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
