drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
