i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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