The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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