Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
