Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
