I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
