Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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