we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
