Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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