how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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