What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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