Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize