So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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