Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
