that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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