Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
