oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
