So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
