just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
