Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
