I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
