at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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