the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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