So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
