I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
