That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
