We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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