Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
