I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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