It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
