i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dick very happy bro
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
