Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
