I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
