why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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