I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
