think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We smell like vodka and hangover
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