Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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