just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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