The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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