I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
