It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
