I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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