So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
