Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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