It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
