I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
