I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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