You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
