my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
