Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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