They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
