I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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