Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
