Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
