I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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