atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
