it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
