I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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