The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
