It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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