it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
