Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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