3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
