it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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