So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
