We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize