1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
